The Only Hope
by The Page Of Cups
Summary: What's so special about Omi anyway? Set just after ep 16 of Kapitel. Ran/Omi


I haven't tried to talk to Aya about his missing sister-- it's the sort of subject everyone here knows to avoid. We don't ask about each other's lives. We don't share our hurts. We stand united as the team called Weiß, but as the last few weeks have proven, there's little to hold us together beyond a name.

Like before, we're all here for our own reasons. Ken and Yohji were attacked. I came back because I couldn't stand being anywhere else; I'm lost without Weiß. Aya... Aya is only here for his sister.

He's on the roof right now, standing under the clouds drifting through the moonlight, and maybe hoping the chill in the wind will help cool his anger at being manipulated back into our ranks. I wish it hadn't had to happen that way; he's almost as angry at Kritiker as he is at his sister's kidnappers.

And yet, if I'm really honest with myself, I'm still glad he's back. The idea of being in Weiß without him makes me hurt in a way I don't even understand.

Selfish thoughts like those aren't the ones I should be focusing on right now, though. Right now, he _is_ here, and we have no leads, no missions, and no plans. What we have is Aya on the roof in a terrible mood, and what I think I'd most like to be focusing on is whatever it takes to help that.

Something I can do for him now, I mean.

As I climb to the ledge bordering the slanted roof tiles, the bottom of my shoe scratches against cement for leverage, drawing a fast turn of Aya's head. It's okay; I wasn't trying to sneak up on him. He glares at me for a few seconds, then pretends he never saw me. It's not quite permission to join him, but it's better than a flat-out rejection.

I carefully walk the edge until I'm beside him, where he leans against the front wall of the roof and oversees the sleepless city. Despite the chilly wind, there's a certain comfort up here, so high above the rest of the world. Standing up here, I feel unreachable. I think I can understand why Aya chooses this place to be alone.

He turns a warning look at me. "You shouldn't be up here-- why are you?"

My eyes cast down the steep four-story drop to the sidewalk. "I'm sorry for bothering you. I wanted to talk a little."

"Talk then."

"I..." Despite myself, a rueful smile is creeping across my mouth. I lean back against the wall and gaze at the moon. "It's a beautiful night, isn't it. Are you cold up here?"

"Warm enough."

"Mmh. That's good. I wouldn't want you catching a cold."

He doesn't answer me.

"What a romantic effect the clouds are creating with the moonlight. Seems almost magical, doesn't it? Like an enchanted glow all over the city."

No answer.

"Shame, though, that they're blocking out the stars."

No answer again. I fortify my smile before it falters.

"Have you ever dreamed of going up past the clouds like an astronaut? I bet it would be amazing to be surrounded by starry night. Or to walk on the moon where there's so little gravity, or to be able to look out the window and see Earth like a blue marble... What do you think, Aya-kun?"

"I gave up on dreams two years ago, Omi."

I wince. "Sorry."

Silence takes over. Aya is most surely not in a mood for conversation. Just a little, it makes me wonder what I'm doing up here, when the idea was to make him feel better. Despite the contradiction, I can't bring myself to just leave.

"We're very different, aren't we? I can't imagine myself doing anything but Weiß. When I hear my classmates talk about criminals threatening their lives, and see news reports of people going missing, turning up dead later... All I can think about is my powerlessness to stop it."

"You must be very glad to be back." His taut intensity is almost enough to make me shiver.

"I murdered for money... That's all it ever was. I have no visions of creating a safer city or a brighter future for its citizens. I don't have an interest in protecting anyone but my sister. There's no comparison between us."

I feel my heart sinking with every word he says. I'm afraid to ask, but I need to know.

"Once you get her back... are you leaving again?"

"...I don't know."

"...You're worried this will happen again?"

A flicker of movement draws my gaze to his hand, curling tight into a fist. That must mean yes. He turns and projects a scrutinizing stare on me. I shift in place, wishing he had a more approving expression for me.

"...Are you really only here to murder for money, Aya-kun? I... If you are, then I don't understand why you're so angry to have to come back; it can't be a lower salary than a construction worker's."

"I'm not interested in being another man's pawn," he seethes.

"...I guess I never thought of it as being a pawn. We're doing a service to the rest of the city, getting rid of these people who--"

"I already told you I don't care about that."

"Sorry. Maybe we do have different reasons. Even so... I do understand, Aya-kun. Why you're--"

"You don't understand anything!"

The sharpness of his reply hurts. He holds me frozen to an icy glare and starts drilling. "Why did you come back? No one attacked you. No one extorted advantages of information or manpower you needed. No one ever even _asked_. You returned and fell back into this routine completely of your own free will!"

"...Aya-kun, that's not it!"

"Isn't it? Are you telling me now it wasn't a drive to rescue your classmate that brought you back?"

"I-- it was, but..."

"You're back. The girl you wanted to protect is safe. Weiß lives again to continue its legacy of murder. You got exactly what you wanted! And you think you understand? You don't understand at all!"

I step back. "That isn't true! Aya--!"

Cement shuffles across the bottom of my shoe. My foot caught a little too close to the edge, and suddenly, it isn't on solid ground anymore.

I'm falling.

Instinctively, my hand shoots for a nonexistent lifeline over my head; still it touches only air. It's too late to stop the domino of consequence. The heart-stopping force of gravity pulls me towards the ground and steals my cry of surprise. The sudden pressure against my body, against my lungs, I can't _breathe_--

The air claps.

Five seconds later, I finally understand it wasn't my back striking the pavement, but Aya's hand locking around mine.

My blood is still rushing with the explosion of adrenaline, that tangible chill against my skin whispering to me that was almost It. I stare in shock up at Aya, trying to fathom the raw truth that he just saved my life-- and just how amazingly cool he looks poised above me in the muted light of the moon, staring with that hot determination while his eartails billow to the wind.

"Aya-kun...!"

I clasp my other hand around the back of his to reinforce his grip. It's painfully tight around my hand, and my weight is straining the muscles in my arm. I scrape my feet against the face of the building in an effort to scale it with the help of Aya's pulling-- until I notice he _isn't_ pulling.

It takes me a moment to realize, with a sickening lurch in my stomach, that he doesn't intend to yet.

"What," he demands, "did you really want out of coming up here?"

My jaw falls open. "Aya-kun, help me up!"

"Answer me!"

There are two answers to his question, neither one of them confessable. "I..."

"Omi, say it!"

I'm sorry, Aya, I can't say it! I hate that I can't but I can't tell you the truth.

"Did Kritiker send you?"

No. I wanted to brighten your mood-- and I hate that I can't do that either! I know, it was wrong to interrupt your solitude but--

"Did they?! Do they think you'll have better luck than they will?"

"I wanted to _be_ with you!"

Oh jeez, I just said that out loud didn't I? "Kritiker didn't send me at all! Aya-kun, I'm not here to try to make you stay! I want to help find your sister! Maybe you'll stay after that and maybe you won't but..." Don't cry. _Don't_ cry. "Aya-kun, don't you think I know how it feels to lose a treasured sister?! To have to follow another's orders just to try to save her? I do understand! Help me up!"

For just a moment, he looks stunned. We stare at each other, Aya on the ledge and anchored to the stem of the satellite dish, me without any ground to stand on, dangling from his hand and reminded all too plainly just what our relationship has always been.

A rush of strength hauls me quickly back to the ledge. As my feet touch the rooftop again, they propel me forward-- I know I shouldn't embrace him but I can't help it.

"Aya-kun...!"

I never expected his arm to come around me and secure me to his waist. He pivots and places himself between me and the ledge, half-trapping me against the wall, inside his shadow. He directs my chin back to him. I can't look away now, and it's terrifying. I always worry what he sees when he looks at me, especially right in the eyes.

Then he barrels into my mouth with the hardest kiss I've ever felt. I'm too shocked to move, to breathe, to even think-- where did this come from?!

And how did he _know..._?

It's almost overwhelming. He's driving all the power of his emotions into this kiss, this consuming rush of fury, fear and frustration, all compacted into the passion of his response and channeled into the raw force of an unspoken need. Hot tongues and the bitter salt of anguish-- I can't define it beyond that. It's like a giant tidal wave, every action only a surface movement to the swirling swell, rolling and tumbling in chaos beneath. The press of his mouth is painful. It resonates tingling ache through every nerve, and bends my fingers to a fruitless dig against the spackled wall behind me.

This energy can't be for me; it's too _strong_.

The kiss breaks with Aya pulling back as though struck. We gasp for breath together and trade gazes, both of us contemplating what, exactly, just happened. Based on the slight confusion in his eyes, he isn't quite sure himself. I don't think he was really thinking right then. I don't think I regret it either.

My fingers bundle the fabric of his jacket. I can't seem to take my eyes off him now. No matter how much air I gulp in, it doesn't feel like enough. Silence stretches across the seconds-- save for that ceaseless whistle of the wind, chilling my lungs and whispering goosebumps into my skin.

"...Walk for the balcony."

I should have expected him to say something like that. When I feel like my legs can move again, I inch along the ledge for the back of the building, jumping to the landing once it's below me. Aya follows and walks for his room, stopping with his hand on the doorknob. He speaks with his back to me.

"Don't misunderstand... I don't want anything more to come of that."

"...Then why did you do it?"

"You wanted to make me feel better, didn't you?"

"Aya-kun!"

"You didn't want it yourself?" He looks over his shoulder.

"Th... That's beside the point!"

His expression softens. "...That's true, isn't it? If it were the point, you wouldn't be the amazing person that you are."

I think I just went as red as a stoplight. "I-- I'm not amazing! There's nothing at all..."

"There is. You just said it: you don't want things for yourself. Weiß is more than a job for you. It's a fight for something you believe in. That you can still believe there's something worth fighting for..."

"But Aya-kun isn't just killing for money! He's fighting too-- for his sister! Why does that have to be different from me? We're both fighting for the sake of people that we'll never be able to share a life with! Aren't we? We're the same!"

"Omi. I fight for myself, and only for what's already been lost. You have a rare gift. You want to help people. Help them live; help them achieve; help them smile. You're better at it than you realize..." Why is he looking so sad? "Putting it bluntly, you deserve that power to dream with every beat of your heart. ...Don't sell it short with sights as low as me."

Aya!

His door closes behind him before I can answer. It's stupid, but I spend over a minute freezing outside on the balcony, just staring at it and wishing it would open again. It isn't true. Aya is a good person, and far more amazing than I am. There's nothing special about me compared to him. But his door stays closed, and eventually I have to retreat to the shelter of my own room.

I go to my window and gaze at the sky, holding my breath to avoid fogging the glass; it really is a beautiful night, even if it is cold. My mind drifts back to Aya's kiss. The brush of his bangs on my cheekbone, the scent of worn leather under my nose, the desperation of lost dreams against my mouth. I regret that I was too stunned to kiss him back, since I probably won't get another chance to. Like Aya, I dwell under the moonlit haze of life called Weiß, where living itself is nothing but a dream. The stars don't shine for people like us.

But I can always focus on the faint outline around the edges of the clouds. There are still other people out there, people like Mika and Aya's sister. People who maybe, with a little help from us, still have a chance to see their dreams come true, even if only once in a while.

That's the only hope that really matters.


End file.
